The Power of Momentum

Momentum is a strange thing. In the Lifestyle, momentum is everything. Over the years we have been introduced to several couples or singles who we were instantly attracted to. They have the looks, the attitude, the same interests and from time to time the same level of interest in us. Based on this you would think that we would immediately set a date, have some drinks and take things to the next level. More often that not, the next step never comes or at least not when we thought it would.

The reason for this disconnect is momentum or lack thereof. This is another reason that we tend to prefer the lifestyle mixers over a one on one date. You just never know when that momentum is going to be there or when it is going to disappear. Committing a whole night to one couple can be a risky venture.  We increase our odds of success by mixing in a larger group. Knowing that, we have learned to make the most of those situations where the momentum is clearly telling us to go for it.

There are couples who we have had initial chemistry only to lose it when we meet in person. Even more odd is that two months later, we meet that same couple and suddenly the connection is unstoppable. It is all so situational and subject to mood, the environment and sometimes simple timing. As with most of the Lifestyle, the fun is learning to recognize the unexpected momentum and grab it while it's there.

The other side of this coin is represented by those opportunities where we have ignored the flow of things and pushed forward with playing with a couple that seemed perfect in every way but at that moment felt like work. Each time we have ignored our rule of letting it flow, we have ended the night wishing for a do over. Regret in the Lifestyle is an awful thing. Learning to avoid regret only comes by making a lot of mistakes. We have made our share.

Don't get us wrong, that very same couple or experience that we might regret one night could be the exact right couple when the chemistry and momentum are flowing. This has happened to us several times. It is also further proof that having a great play experience is much more about momentum than it is about opportunity. It has to flow.  It has to be fun. It has to be easy.

What we have learned is that it is better to walk away together and alone than it is to force the issue. Learning this was our biggest hurdle which we will discuss further in future posts. Our advice, trust the momentum. If it isn't easy, politely walk away so that you can save that perfect experience with the perfect couple for when the timing is right.

In the end, this is all about fun and shared experience. It shouldn't feel like work.

The Mad Science of Lifestyle Mixer Guest Lists

Over the last few years we have thrown a total of 13 Lifestyle Mixers in San Diego. For the most part, these events have been a great experience for us and for our attendees. We take great pride in creating an atmosphere that is without pressure. We also do our best to ensure that we have a guest list that is built of attractive, fun and respectful couples/singles from a range of backgrounds, ages and interests.

Through trial and error we have learned that the key to a great lifestyle mixer is partly based on venue but primarily based on the guest list. Building the right right guest list is not only a lot of work, it is also a lot of fun. It is fun to learn about the potential guests, read their profiles and do your best to create a perfect mix to leads to a great party. Although we have done a pretty good job at this, we would be lying to say that we were perfect. Chemistry is often a messy thing to manage but when it works, it is magic. For those who  have been to one of those great mixers, you know what we mean. Much like the perfect golf shot, it keeps us all coming back for more.

As lifestyle mixer hosts, we are in essence mad scientists who dabble in the world of sensual chemistry. We tinker with the guest list, the venue, the DJ and the timing to create a blend that makes for a great party. Even though we aren't perfect, we assure all past and future attendees that we do our best to build that perfect party that not only provides a great time for our guests but hopefully gets them laid in the process.

For those past and future Lifeicing mixer attendees, we hope you know that we did our best to make a great party and that your invite was not an accident. The guest list is sacred to us. If you made it, you were part of our best attempt at good chemistry. We thank you all for being willing subjects.

p.s. We hope you had some great sex in the process.

A few thoughts on sharing our thoughts

This is our very first blog. It seems a bit ironic that our first blog would be about something that we have held as one of the most private parts of our lives. With that in mind, we hope you can understand our wanting to be somewhat anonymous...at least until we know you.

We are a typical married couple. We live in the suburbs of San Diego in a nice home in a great neighborhood. We have 2 beautiful children and family dog. One of us has an executive level job while the other is a stay at home parent. We have a great extended family and dozens of friends. We live a normal life, pay our taxes, work hard and enjoy free time with our family. We are  your typical Cul-de-sac couple, with one exception. We are an open and sensually adventurous lifestyle couple.

We decided to share our thoughts and experiences about and in The Lifestyle to help break the stereotypes of what it means to be an open or Lifestyle couple. We are tired of seeing our community represented by people on HBO's Real Sex, who while they may be open, are not what we know as the reality of The Lifestyle.

The truth is that most of the thousands of lifestyle couples and singles we have met are very attractive, healthy, successful, educated, respectful and otherwise normal by society's standards. Where Lifestyle couples stand out is in their openness, fun loving attitude and respect for diverse interests and sensual tastes. Most see life as like a candy store that offers any number of delicious treats to enjoy. Which treat we choose is based on our unique interests, kinks, wants or fantasies. All of these options are equally delicious to some while equally disgusting to others.

We are here to share our experiences both good and bad. We hope to open some minds and shatter some stereotypes while reinforcing others. Of course we do this while opening ourselves up on something that is otherwise very private. Hopefully, we can help the next curious couple in moving toward or away from the Lifestyle. To each their own.

Lastly, we want to encourage you to ask us questions. We have seen just about everything with more still to come. We are happy to share. Sharing after all is caring. :-)